Friday by Rebecca Black. This has been out now on the Internet for a few weeks, possibly the worst song I have ever heard. The sad thing is its so bad its funny. Enjoy, and remember “Its friday, friday gotta get down on friday”
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the State Fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, “Martha, I’d like to ride in that airplane.” And every year Martha would say, “I know, Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
This one year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, “Martha, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.”
Martha replied, “Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.”
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.”
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Stumpy, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.”
Stumpy replied, “Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.”
SuperShine Toothpaste: “Making the best toothpaste for you is our pleasure!”
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
The Washington DC State Police are cracking down on speeders heading into DC. For the first offense, they give you 2 Redskin Tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
Q. What do you call 47 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A. The Washington Redskins
Q. What do the Washington Redskins and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.
Q. How do you keep a Washington Redskins out of your yard?
A. Put up a goal post.
Q. What do you call a Washington Redskins with a Super Bowl ring?
A. Old
Q. What’s the difference between the Washington Redskins
and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q. How many Washington Redskins does it take to win a Super Bowl?
A. Nobody remembers.
Q. What do the Washington Redskins and a possum have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
Why is it that every time something goes missing I’m the first one that gets blamed.
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks! It’s going be a bumpy ride!
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Sucking the marrow out of life doesn’t mean choking on the bone.
- Dead Poets Society (1989)
I’ve always believed that if done properly, armed robbery doesn’t have to be an unpleasant experience.
- Thelma & Louise (1991)
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake.
- The Little Mermaid (1989)
Do not speak to me of rules. This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Stupid is as stupid does.
- Forrest Gump (1994)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- National Lampoon’s Animal House (1978)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke.
- As Good As It Gets (1997)
Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that’s why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris turns on a night light when he goes to bed. It’s not because he’s scared of the dark – it’s Because the dark is scared of him.
