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"Redneck"
Here are two examples of some people who really love being “cool” in their cars.
Ahh Walmart, you never know what you will find or see in there. Redneck dreams come reality in Walmart.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren”t.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
You”ve ever spray painted your girlfriend”s name on an overpass.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman”s anatomy.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath.”
You refer to the time you won a free case of motor oil as “the day my ship came in.”
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
1. The monitor is up on blocks.
2. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
3. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
4. The extra RAM slots in your computer have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
5. John Deer pocket protectors left on the desk.
6. Your password has been changed to “Bubba”
7. There is a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
8. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
9. The keyboard is camouflaged.
10. You hear him refer to the mouse as a “critter”
Rednecks take the hottub part a little bit to literal. This is a hottub the only way rednecks know it.
- The Jack-O-Lantern on your porch has more teeth than your wife does.
- You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- There is a law in your state that if a husband and wife get a divorce then they are still legally brother and sister.
- The people on Jerry Springer remind you of your neighbors.
- You grandpappie made a will to leave everything to his wife but she can’t touch it until she is 14.
- You go to the junkyard to drop off some things and come back with more than you left with.
- You have your local taxidermist on speed-dial.
- You think Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
- The people at your parties are always dressed in white robes & hoods and seem very secretive.
- On your KFC employment application, under military service you include the militia group you belong to.
If you relate to JUST ONE of these items then you DEFINITELY a redneck. 2 means you have little hope of change, and 3 or more proves you are one FOR LIFE.
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